Greyed & Broken Links of Sky

I am longing. I spend a lot of time in analysis, in sputtering through past memories, but barely glazing their emotional surface.
The things in my near past bring warm tears to my eyes if I merely discuss them for a minute or two.
But for the most part, I am good at feeling nothing. Depression is 'nothing.' Anxiety is 'nothing.' But mostly, I spend my days feeling worn out, bored, and uncomfortable. These are not emotions. They are states of non-emotion.

I would like, perhaps, to feel again but haven't any idea how to start. I can tell you why I stopped. I reached the point where (through feeling my feelings & loving my self) I had moved beyond needing to experience many of my feelings. But since I did not stay there in that mental place, I returned and again had feelings, yet could not or would not acknowledge them. What is wrapped up in feelings? Joy, and sadness. I feel both of these, yet neither.