Ill Feelings

I can't learn. My body hurts...I feel wrong...I am twenty years old and I have no skill. I have no degree, no college education. I can't play sports, run, ride horses, kick ass, or build shit. I cannot fix a bike if my life depended on it. I cannot build or repair a computer, I have not made much art worth looking for. I can cook okay. I barely have enough energy to get up.

My skills are not anything that exists in this world. My body is small and my bones feel like they are full of holes. I am a black sun setting over desert.

I cannot think of a single person who has less skill then I do, who knows less. My main creative urge is to slit my wrists.

I ran as hard as I could toward enlightenment and nobody can see the difference;

Sometimes I think I am an explosion;

no-one i know cares as much as i do. I lose my lovers because

I am as soft and vacuous as a banana going warm and moist in the summertime,

as a creampuff sun setting over a country tract house,

I made art and no one called.