Cameron's Bridge

(This is about the dream last recorded in my Dreamjournal)

I lay with Lewis last night & my heart was a blue glass wrapped in vines & tangled wire. His words
were knives that wriggled their way into the heart of my dismay, prying apart the heated & close ventricles. I felt a low vibration in my heart, as it pricked up its ears at our conversation, and then the excising of flesh as it was turned away by the blade.

I can navigate a roller coaster in the dark; my active mind has become so stripped and efficient that it wastes no time on indulgence, makes no wandering misstep during times of need. Months of walking in the night of my mind have made me headstrong and steady. This is crowning achievement of my male self; a reactive agility.

"It's clearly not enough," says the dream of the dogs. After getting off of the roller coaster, I stepped into a small cave. I continued through it without pause, had no respect for the mysteries it might contain. And indeed, when I was halfway through, I was attacked by dogs who ran from nothingness and latched onto my arms, halting me. My male self was effectively neutralized and disempowered. Agility, efficiency, and egotistical drive are not much when you have got tiny mutts latched on to both of your forearms and you're flailing them around like an idiot.

This is where the female self steps in. She has the solution. Since our strengths are also are weaknesses, we can say that the masculine part's strength in navigating the roller coaster was his weakness in failing the second, trickier, female test. Was the female side's weakness in the roller coaster was her hesitancy, her desire to stop and assess feelings first? Unfortunately, I didn't find out in the dream what her response would have been to the second challenge.

A possible course of action would be to enter the room anyway, with a submissive attitude, and let the attack potentially occur, as a type of sacrifice designed to bring the female counterpart into control. Lewis rejected this outright, but it's hard to tell if it's a misunderstanding or if he truly rejects it. He suggests that I stay there and "try and understand."

Life is a little room, full of too many small, annoying, debilitating things, I said.
It's a little room and a big room.

It doesn't have to feel like a little room, he said. It can just be 'where you live.' You can feel comfortable there.

I didn't want to imagine getting comfortable in that little brown hole.