"Hey, I'm here."

I am on a beach, having a therapy session. Myself, my mom, my grandmother and my great aunt are there. My great aunt seems to be expressing fears for me; we are talking about my transgenderedness. Then, it becomes apparent that she is not talking about that at all. Instead, she is talking about herself: her own feelings of suicidality associated with my being transgender. Sometimes, she tells the therapist, she just wants to suffocate herself. The therapist is understanding and moves to come over to her. I debate internally over whether to go over to her as well, and I plan to have a sassy attitude and assert myself best I can. I distinctly imagine the way my foot tracks over to her, defiant, will look in the sand.

Suddenly I tune in again to what she's saying. She's turning to look at me, and says suddenly and in a voice dripping with anger, "And sometimes I want to take a chainsaw to her [sic] while she is sleeping." She seems utterly serious. She repeats her threat once or twice for good measure. And I decide to escape.

I run from the beach into a warehouse. It is large and dim, and filled with huge rolled up rugs and long, low tables. I run though the warehouse, trying to think of how to get away in the smartest way. I suspect that she can run faster than I. I escape the first room, but for some reason I decide to go back and create traps that will cause her to fall while she chases me. I place a slippery, loosely rolled under-rug sheet on the floor and hide under a table to watch for her. She doesn't slip much, but she does wheel around and start searching the room I'm in. I am hiding under one of the low tables, and I keep moving to keep my body in the shadows as she runs around the room. She reminds me of Wanda's Seeker in Stephanie Meyers' book The Host.

After a little bit, I see that I can't hide from her much more. It's too stressful, anyway, the fear that she will catch me and my desire to protect my dream body from the fear induced by her hurting or killing me. It seems like she sees me anyway now, but I'm not sure. I lock eyes with her and stand up. "Hey, I'm here." I say, and as she starts to come for me I wake myself up.