Fwd: Men's Emotional Exploration Has Been Cancelled

I've been having a terrible past two days. I'm, I guess, too old to be so angsty. I judge myself as I would be judged. If I get too lonely, there are always places to relieve that loneliness, in the unhealthiest of ways. Always the offer of sub-par sex with whomever heterosexual and well meaning friend. (There is always judgment folding down from the heavens like sheets of rain.)

The mysteries of the Aquarius mind. This is what started it all, two days ago. Nervousness upon waking, left unended and open-ended. This is my own diaspora. I am so lonely--All of them have left.

If I believe others are discompassionate to those in need and celebratory of those with confidence, might we infer that we treat our-selves in a similar way? I called Eric rather than mope. He brightly informed me that he and his fiance Evangeline had broken up. He told me about the night she'd left and what he had done, and with not a trace of pity or embarrassment about his losing control. Thanks for being vulnerable. We'll pretend we're all eagles, to the point of killing ourselves over it.

I don't know how broken I am. I sometimes believe I will cough up the ocean-water and ascend into the sun. I think I'm skating on top of the waves like a hobecat. I want to extend love to all the deepest corners of the earth. I want to not apologize. If we are what we are, then we are perfect, forever, but simple to forget.

I think when God made the world he left in one part he meant to take away, and that's the sliver of reality that keeps us from the truth.
And when he died, he left one sliver of truth in our heart.

And YOU KNOW I GOT great big batwings
'N I got three arms to carry you home.

I blew off steam last night by playfighting with everyone around. Roz punched me in the arm a few times, after we helped her concentrate on things that made her angry. It was a good punch and my arm hurts today. My body also hurts allover from my three rounds of wrestling with Martin and restraining Mike for torture. It took a few hours of grass clippings in the ears and socks, asphyxiation, joint overextention, tickling, and tagteam good-cop bad-copping, but he's on our side now. Fighting other people is the positive alternative to fighting myself.

What I am trying to say is, stop judging and you will not be judged. As I type this my glance lands on a pile of nails and I remember, near unconsciously, what its like to have them through the palms. We all lived Christ's story, and we all paid for our sins over and over, until we couldn't anymore.

Tombs, Vines, Ripples...

More and more we understand the value of the in-between spaces that are broken,
and that their repair comes with certain forceful new understandings, generated in the underlayer, detrius of waterlogged branches & grass, human understandings amiss...
we shouldn't (and won't) rebuild n.o. the way it was, because there are forces that don't want that.
the reclamation of that smaller and shadowed contingent of society, of wilderness
when S/he takes hold of us we will not hold back, but will go forward with every inch of our shallow human breath, whoosh.

who will become one with the sun? who will awaken first, to a world new,..and forgotton?

sisters and brothers, to the ocean, to the levee. monster...